Butterfly Stage.....

  Well, as you can see from my last post, I am a lot more open, bold, secure, and just flat out outspoken. I don't like to "sugar coat" things. That's why I named this blog Freeing Thoughts because that's exactly what I plan on doing. I never could write in a journal or diary but once I started blogging, it was like an outlet for me.
   Every since I was little, I never really spoke my mind. I came off as timid or shy. As I have gotten older and gone through different things, I just start not caring and saying what was on my mind. Yet, I am still VERY observant and quiet at times. Right now in my life, I'm in a changing process or "Cocoon stage" as my mom calls it. I'm in the "Cocoon stage" meaning I'm in a transformation stage. I'm facing the mirror and working on things that I see in myself that need to change. I may be young but I know when things are not right or ugly within myself. I see change as a sign of growth and maturity. A lot of people are scared of change. Change is something that is necessary for one to move forward. It is NOT easy but it is a necessary process that everyone must eventually face. I try to embrace it. I don't want to change because of others opinions but for ME and also because I know that God will judge me for the way I live my life. And I know he's not going to hold back; meaning he's going to judge me on everything that I do, say, think, and ultimately what's in my heart. I know NO ONE is perfect but if I see something wrong within myself I will try my very best to work on that.
    Forgiveness and my attitude is what I'm working on right now. These two thing are the hardest for me. It's hard for me to forgive someone who has REALLY hurt me. My attitude ties in with forgiveness. If I haven't forgiven you then it's hard for my attitude toward you to be good. It's hard for me to pretend to like someone. If I don't like you, it will DEFINITELY show (unless you're blind). But I think I'm getting better. I hope to reach the "Butterfly stage" soon.


Still transforming. I am a work in progress : )

~Taylor Nicole~

My Life Experiences......

  

      Break is over and school started this week. Its been a crazy week and I had a rough first day back on Monday. I've been having a lot of different emotions going on for some reason. I don't know if it's just the stress of school or what. But today was great and I'm just living day by day. The weather is amazing and my grades are good and I'm proud of myself (if I may say so myself).

    But today while on twitter, I started reflecting on my life. I started thinking about all the crazy roller-coaster emotions that I've had these past 4years. Those years were kind of difficult for me and my family. I learned a lot about myself and some of my "family". And I'm not trying to gain pity, I'm just simply reflecting on my life. A lot of things have been done and said about me and behind my back. A lot of hurtful things. As a result of that, I have distanced myself from a lot of people. The main people who are there to support you and build you up kind of did the opposite. Who am I talking about? FAMILY!. I been lied to, talked about, and treated like I'm worthless. The sad part is these are the people who have been there ALL my life. Yet, I believe, ultimately want to see me fail. I'm NOT saying all of my family is like this. But there are a few. I'm NOT going to go into who did what or who said what. I'm not writing this to bash them. I'm just opening my heart and saying what's on my mind. And if your one of my family members reading this I'm not telling you who I'm talking about...even though I'm pretty sure you have an idea. What the verbally abusive family members don't realize is. They haven't really hurt me that much. They've simply gave me experiences that have taught me things and matured me even more. I've gotten soooo much stronger as a person. I understand a lot of things that I never knew. Of course, I've cried, got pissed off, and maybe came off a little bitter because of certain situations. But I've learned how and STILL learning to forgive and let go of some past feelings and people. I've learned how to love someone from a distance. I've become even more private. I've learned not to trust and confide in everybody. I've learned that everyone doesn't want you to succeed in life.

    All these things that I have learned have shaped me into who I am NOW. I've been called antisocial plenty of times before. I don't think I'm antisocial. I'm a loner. If I was antisocial, I wouldn't have been able to go to a new school and meet new people and become scary close to some of them. I like to be alone sometimes. I need space. Some people don't understand that because they constantly have to be around someone. I prefer to be alone until I feel like being bothered. My past experiences have made me isolate myself from some of my family. I've also learned how to see through BS. Its an AWESOME gift. So, sometimes I don't want to deal with the BS and the fakeness. I would rather be by myself. Sometimes I can come off as a mean person because of that. I'm extremely focused on my future....my goals. And being that I know some people want to see me fail, that motivates me to strive for more and go harder. I'm looking nowhere but up. I've learned to be ok and accept the people who act crazy. That's who they are. I am who I am. And it is what it is. I am Taylor Nicole and I know who I am. I know what type of person I am. I don't care what others do, act, say, or their attitudes towards me. I no longer care at all. Others opinions don't phase me. Those who love, appreciate, support and just go hard for me matter the most. I'm going to do my best to make them proud. I'm going to continue to evolve into a better me. And complete all my goals. At the end of the day the only opinion that matters is God's. PERIOD!

I love ALL of my family...even those who have hurt me in the past.....i mean because as you can see they really didn't effect me anyway. *shrugs*

The ambitious girl,

~Taylor Nicole~

Sickness!.....Mind Over Matter

Soooooo in my last post I was super excited about break. Now that I'm on break, get this...I'M SICK!!!!!! This is sooooo unfair.! My weekend consisted of watching re-runs of Girlfriends, The Game, and movies. This is just ridiculous. But I'm trying this mind over matter thing. Its kind of working but I really want to get better so this break won't be a complete waste. I'm loosing my appetite, downing drugs left and right, and sleeping my life away. This is not the way I planned my break.



~Taylor Nicole~